Every Sweet Regret (Orchid Valley Book 2) Page 19

  Brinley reaches for my hand. “You always have a job with me. You know that, right?”

  My eyes burn and I snap my mouth shut, afraid I’ll cry if I say more, so I just nod.

  “Ask Kace to help you,” Abbi says. “You know he minored in chem, right?”

  No, I didn’t know that, but I’m not surprised. He’s always been crazy smart. His degree is in some sort of biotechnical engineering—something I don’t quite understand. I remember Dean spouting off about how Kace would be rolling in money once the government contractors picked him up. Yet somehow Kace ended up back in Orchid Valley building houses—and good for him. He found a career that pays well, and it’s one he enjoys. If only we could all have that. “I’m sure he has better things to do than tutor me,” I say, digging in my purse so I don’t have to look her in the eye.

  I don’t know exactly how Abbi would react if she knew Kace and I were hooking up, but my instincts tell me she wouldn’t love it. She’s protective of him, and while I’d like to think she respects me enough to come around to the idea if we decided to take our relationship to the next level, I don’t know that it’d be easy for her. Then again, maybe she wouldn’t come around at all. Abbi and I are friends through Brinley and from working together at The Orchid, but our friendship is one of those that’d likely fall apart without external factors linking us together.

  “He is really busy,” Abbi says. “Actually, I think he might be seeing someone.”

  My head pops up. “What?”

  “We were at Mom’s for brunch last Sunday, and Mom was asking him if he’d started dating, and he got all weird.”

  I swallow. “Maybe he just didn’t want to talk to her about it.”

  She shakes her head. “No. She asks him every week, and this was definitely different. He got all squirmy.”

  Savvy’s staring at me, and I beg her with my eyes not to say anything.

  Abbi chuckles, her brown eyes bright with amusement. “Anyway, he was tight-lipped about it, so I know nothing, but if any of you hear anything, you absolutely have to tell me.”

  “So you can give him shit about it?” Savvy asks with an arched brow.

  Abbi shrugs. “It’s my job as his little sister to give him shit.”

  “More like so she can do a background check on the girl,” Brinley says, narrowing her eyes at Abbi over her drink. “Don’t give me that innocent, doe-eyed look. We all know you’re mama-bear protective when it comes to Kace.”

  Another shrug. “Guilty, and I’m not even sorry.” She frowns. “This divorce hasn’t been easy on him.”

  “Let’s talk about the wedding,” Savvy says, because she’s a goddess who knows when her buddy needs a subject change.

  “Vow renewal,” Brinley says, then shrugs. “Nothing to talk about. Everything’s on track, thanks to my fantastic team at The Orchid.” She grins. “It’ll be nice to be able to remember saying my vows, though.”

  “For real,” Abbi says. “Which reminds me, I still need to get my bridesmaid dress altered. Anyone have a good seamstress?”

  “Let Mom do it,” I offer. “She won’t charge much, and she’s great at that stuff.”

  Savvy nods. “It’s true. She did mine for twenty bucks, and it looks perfect.”

  Brinley turns to me. “What about you, Stella? How’s your love life going?”

  I swallow hard. Brinley’s the last person I want to lie to. Normally, she would’ve been the first to know about something as major as what I have going on with Kace, but she’s been so busy with taking over The Orchid and getting settled in with Marston that I feel like we barely talk anymore. “It’s fine.” I force a smile.

  “Did you finally take our advice and leave Random behind?”

  “More or less,” I say, which is true, if misleading.

  Abbi chuckles. “Does that have anything to do with guys not swiping on you anymore?”

  I frown. Because it’s weird, but she’s right. Aside from Kace, the only person who’s reached out to me in the last week is that guy who suggested I was ugly. I’ve been so focused on Kace that I didn’t think anything of it.

  She extends a hand and turns up her palm. “Give me your phone. I need to show you something.”

  Something on Random? What if Kace has messaged me? He didn’t freak out about Amy knowing about us, but how would he feel about Abbi knowing?

  I swallow. “I deleted the app.” I hate lying, but I want to talk to Kace about this before his sister finds out.

  Savvy arches a brow. “You did?”

  Abbi waves her hand in the air. “Smithy! Come over here!”

  Smithy drops drinks off to customers at a nearby table and winks at them before heading our way. “How’s it going, beautiful ladies?”

  “Are you on Random?”

  He gives her a long, slow smile and then drags his gaze over her in the lascivious way he usually saves for me and Savvy. Good. Abbi deserves a little male appreciation. “Why? You interested in getting you some random?”

  Abbi rolls her eyes, unfazed by his flirting, and holds out her hand. “Give me your phone.”

  He digs it out of his back pocket and hands it over. Abbi grabs his hand and uses his fingerprint to unlock the screen before tapping and swiping like crazy.

  “Do I want to know what she’s doing right now?” Smithy asks.

  “Probably not,” Savvy says.

  “There you are,” Abbi declares, turning Smithy’s phone toward me. On the screen is an image of . . .

  “Is that Jessica Rabbit?” I ask.

  “Jessica who?” Brinley cranes her neck as she tries to see what we’re looking at.

  An awful, yawning darkness opens in the pit of my stomach. I don’t understand what’s happening, but every instinct tells me this is very bad.

  “The cartoon?” Savvy asks. “Man, I haven’t seen that movie in forever.”

  “I don’t think I’ve ever seen it,” Brinley says. “Someone explain to me why you’re looking at a cartoon rabbit on Smithy’s phone?”

  Abbi turns the phone so Brinley can see. “She’s not a rabbit. She’s a human.”

  Brinley’s eyes go wide. “Oh. She’s in a children’s cartoon? She’s so . . . booby.”

  “As is Stella,” Abbi says, as if this explains anything.

  “It’s from a movie,” Savvy says.

  Smithy leans over the table to get a view of his phone, then nods. “Hottest piece of animated ass other than Ariel. I’d like to . . .” He holds one hand in front of him and waves the other, undeniably pantomiming “smacking that ass.”

  “You’re gross,” Abbi says.

  “Nah, I’m just honest.”

  “Would someone please explain what’s happening here?” I beg. What does a cartoon character have to do with my Random profile?

  “This is your avatar.” Abbi hands the phone back to Smithy. “Remember? You had that awful date and said you were going to take your picture down from Random, but I knew you wouldn’t, and when I checked, I was right.”

  I can only stare at her, horrified.

  I had dreams about Jessica Rabbit last night. I hope you’re proud of yourself.

  I swallow. “You got onto my profile and changed my picture without telling me? You got on my phone without my permission?”

  “I was saving you from assholes who only want your body. And you’ve admitted yourself that it worked, which is pretty fucking ironic when you consider Jessica Rabbit is the caricature version of you, but no guy would guess that without seeing you for himself. The narrow-minded asses are too worried about meeting for a hookup and accidentally finding themselves face to face with a dude. Or worse—a fat chick like me.”

  Savvy and Brinley gasp at those words, but I’m too busy processing, and it takes me a minute to realize Abbi’s just knocked herself.

  “You are not fat,” Brinley says at the same time as Savvy says, “You’re gorgeous, and fuck anyone who doesn’t see that.”

  I turn to Smithy, since tha
t’s his cue to say something about how she’s “really rocking her curves” or how she’s “fat in all the right places, if you know what I mean,” but he’s uncharacteristically mute and . . . staring at me like he’s seen a ghost.

  “You’re Jessica Rabbit?” he asks softly.

  I turn to Abbi. “When did you do this?”

  “At Kace’s pool party when you were in the bathroom. I snagged your phone before the screen went black and locked me out.” Her smile falls away. “Shit, Stella, I thought you’d think it was funny.”

  At the pool party. Which means . . . before Kace swiped on me. Which means Kace didn’t swipe on me at all. He swiped on some random chick with a Jessica Rabbit avatar. It means every time I thought it was weird that he talked about Amy and Hope like I didn’t know them, he was really thinking I didn’t know them. Every time it seemed like he was telling me something twice, he thought he was telling me for the first time. “I can’t believe this,” I whisper.

  Smithy scratches his beard, his face screwed up in confusion. “So that means you’re—”

  “Thirsty.” I jump out of the booth and grab his forearm. “Totally shocked by this information, and suddenly need a shot of something very strong.” He meets my eyes, and I desperately try to communicate everything I’m feeling. Please don’t say anything. Please don’t tell them whatever it is you know.

  “Come on, Stella,” Abbi says, “it’s not that big of a thing.” But the delight that was on her face earlier is gone. In its place, worry has crept in.

  Half of me wants to scream at her, but the other half is so fucking embarrassed by all of this that I just want to do whatever’s necessary to keep my friends from asking questions. I give her a tight smile. “I’m sure I’ll agree in a minute.” I take a step toward the bar, dragging Smithy along behind me. I veer toward the bathrooms and freeze when I see there’s a line.

  “The kitchen,” Smithy says, nodding toward the door labeled Employees Only. “Come on.”

  I follow him, but his staff is bustling around thanks to the packed bar, and I can’t talk to him here, either. Hot tears press at the back of my eyes. I’m one wrong word or sideways glance away from totally losing it.

  “This way.” Smithy presses his palm between my shoulder blades and leads me into his office.

  I push the door shut and fall against it. “Fuck.” The silence of his office is worse than the cacophony of the bar, and I wish he’d explain this all away somehow. I’m hanging on by a string, and I need my friend to tell me it’s all going to be okay. But when I look at him, he’s worrying his bottom lip between his teeth. “Say something.”

  Smithy folds his arms across his chest and rocks back on his heels. “You’re Jessica Rabbit?”

  I flinch. “I thought we already established that.”

  “Kace told us about his little online piece—”

  “Little online piece? What the fuck is that?”

  He rolls his eyes. “He told me about his online friend,” he says, emphasizing the word, like he’s censoring for an overly sensitive elderly relative. “I don’t think he has any idea you’re the woman behind the avatar.” He scrubs a hand over his face. “Unless maybe he was just saying that because Dean was there?” He taps his mouth with his index finger. “Could he have been pretending? Surely you talked about who you are at some point?”

  I turn up my palms. “Maybe? I . . .” I shake my head. “I don’t know.”

  “How do you not know, Stella? Isn’t ‘I’m Stella,’ like, step one of connecting with someone online?”

  “I didn’t know he might think I was a stranger until a few minutes ago.” And thanks to Random’s disappearing-message thing, it’s not like I can go back and look at our conversations to know for sure. “I wasn’t trying to hide who I was. I thought he swiped on me.” But I already know the truth. I was the other woman all along. The one I felt sorry for because he said it was only physical attraction with no substance. I remember thinking I knew what it was like to be the girl Kace thought was hot with no substance. Still do, I guess.

  Then what did he say tonight? Some things are just deal breakers.

  And that was after I’d told him about those videos. He said we all make mistakes, but he was probably trying to be nice, trying to make me feel better. The second I confessed my secret, he ruled me out as a possibility.

  Part of me knew it was too good to be true from the start.

  Smithy’s face is long, his eyes wide. “But you’re going to tell him, right? Just to be sure?”

  “I think I have to.” The words wrap around my stomach and squeeze too tightly. I press my hand to my belly and the gnawing ache there. “I need to.”

  Some things are just deal breakers.

  “Yes, you have to. Fuck, Stell, he’s really into you. Like, I wasn’t sure he’d ever get over Amy, but he started talking about this Jessica Rabbit chick last week, and I . . .” His throat bobs as he swallows, eyes wide and worried. “He didn’t talk about her like he would if he was hiding something from Dean. And he didn’t seem as screwed up as he’s always seemed about the fact that he wants to fuck you.”

  I blink at him. “Excuse me?”

  He rolls his eyes. “I mean, who doesn’t, right? You’re a total snack cake.”

  I rub my temples. “Please don’t call me or any other woman a snack cake ever again, Smithy.”

  He rolls his eyes. “My point is, Kace didn’t know it was you.”

  “Maybe he knows,” I whisper. “Maybe we’re freaking out over nothing. Or maybe . . . maybe he’ll be okay with it being me.” I look up at Smithy, but it isn’t until I see worry in the scrunch of his brow that I realize how much I needed his usual optimism.

  I sink into the leather upholstered chair across from his desk, lean back, and close my eyes. I’m reprocessing everything Kace has said to me through the app and everything he’s said in person. It’s too much to puzzle out all at once, but every piece that clicks into place is further evidence all my fears were valid. Kace never wanted more than a physical relationship with me. I was his dirty little secret, and the only reason he connected to me on an emotional level was because he didn’t know it was me at all. And now even that connection’s ruined, because I opened my big mouth and told him about those fucking videos.

  “Shit. Are you going to cry? Don’t cry, Stell. Please?”

  My phone buzzes, and it’s complete faith in how fucked my life has become that lets me know it’s Kace before I even look. He’s texted. Probably about tonight. Probably something sexy, because . . . that’s all I am.

  I can’t bring myself to open it.

  “Smithy, promise me you won’t say anything to Kace until I figure this out.”

  “You have to tell him,” he says solemnly.

  He’s right. The girls all know about the avatar now, so obviously I can’t keep this a secret forever. I just need a minute to deal with this ache in my chest.

  I’ve always loved Kace, but I knew I couldn’t have more. I knew I wasn’t allowed to want more, so I was happy to settle for what he offered—the scraps of attention, the hot, lusty looks, and that one night in the pool house, the physical. But our conversations on Random changed everything. I got a taste of what it was like to have Kace see me—the real me, not just my bubbly surface personality, not just the sexpot party girl who liked to tease him. I got to know what it was like to have him crave my mind as much as my body, and now I don’t know how I’m supposed to settle for less.

  I’ve been talking to Kace. Falling for Kace. But he has no idea he’s been talking to me. And when my online self told him her biggest secret, he didn’t want anything to do with her anymore.

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Stella

  I don’t even remember the drive to Dean’s. But I’m here, sitting in the middle of his living room floor in a puddle of my own tears.

  I should’ve driven straight to Kace. I could’ve told him immediately. Ripped off the proverbial Band-Aid. Mayb
e he would’ve laughed about it. Maybe he would’ve gotten angry and walked away. But at least it wouldn’t be this awful secret, and he’d know I never intended to trick him.

  Instead, I drove to my brother’s and word-vomited all my nonsense heartbreak the second he asked what was wrong. And Dean? He’s wearing a path in the carpet with his pacing, and I’m pretty sure he wishes he didn’t know any of this. Not that I’m “Jessica Rabbit,” not that I’m in love with Kace, and definitely not that he has to keep this all a secret.

  The doorbell rings, and his shoulders sag in relief. He rushes to open it, and Savannah barges in. “Thank you,” he says. “She said you were the only one I was allowed to call.”

  “What’s wrong?” Savvy asks, coming straight toward me. “What happened? Why’d you leave the bar? Abbi feels so bad about the avatar.”

  “She’s Itsy,” Dean says.

  Savvy scrunches up her face in confusion. “She’s itchy?”

  “No. She’s ItsyBitsy, Jessica Rabbit, whatever—the girl Kace has been talking to on Random. The one he rejected after she told him some secret. Only, he just told Stella he was rejecting her and didn’t tell online Stella, and now she doesn’t want him to know who she is.” He gasps and looks at me. “I don’t understand it all, but the long and short of it is apparently my best friend is a fucking idiot, and I’m going to kill him.”

  Savvy looks my brother up and down, shakes her head, and points to his kitchen. “Go find yourself a drink. You need to chill.” Then she crosses the living room and sinks to her haunches to look me in the eye. “Honey, don’t panic. You can just tell him. You two have something now, right?”

  That’s not true, and it guts me. Even when I was curled into his side after we slept together for the first time, when he opened up to me about his marriage—it was about sex. Not about love or a future together. The only time he’s connected with me on an emotional level was online. I was stupid enough to think he was opening up to me, but the awful truth is that those conversations never would’ve happened if he’d known he was talking to Stella. Either he wouldn’t have hit me up at all or it would’ve been sexual banter—but at least if it’d been that, I wouldn’t have ever hung so much hope on having more. “It’s never been more than sex.”